Author: Stephenie Meyer

Stephenie Meyer has a tremendous talent to project her characters by delving into their individual psyche allowing her characters come alive by making them realistic in every aspect. What I enjoy most is her talented skill to write in away where it is possible for the reader to fully experience the character's feelings almost as if they were your very own.

I was introduced first to Stephanie Meyer through her book: The Host. I was immediately drawn in and hooked into the story from the very first page. Her style of writing makes it very hard to put any one of her books down. I thoroughly enjoyed The Host and was eager to read anything else she may have published. So, I found the "Twilight Saga". (Note: I read the series before any of the Movies came out in theatres) I have to admit I became addicted and easily read the series back to back in one weekend. (Since then, yes I have returned to re-read them many other times).

In The Twilight Series she writes from the perspective of Bella (primarily) and Jacob. Every time I read these books I am curious ... what is Edward thinking, how is does he perceive this situation. Edward is very cryptic in general which creates the intense mystery behind his character. Imagine a book about why he smirks or laughs out of the blue... to know what minds he is hearing at that given time. A book explaining the pain and torture he puts himself through because it is so drawn to Bella in many ways.

So, I decided to visit Stephenie’s official website to read up on the author herself and to see if she has any current projects on the go or anything soon set for publishing. That is when I discovered she had plan to write a book from the view point of Edward. YES!! I was excited. But my excitement was squashed when I discovered that a draft version some how got leaked out on the Internet and now ... it may or may not happen. She’s posted 12 Chapters of the draft she had done up to that point and time.

I hummed and hawed on whether I should read it. After all, I know how addictive her writing is; and could I just stop at whatever point she got too? After many visits (well, numerous visits over many, many months) to her website with my mouse pointer hovering over her link to the story and quickly retreating from the site to avoid the temptation.... I caved.

Dammit!! Why, why did I do that to myself? I must be sadistic - it was enthralling, amazing and everything I expected it to be ... and now I am left hanging, totally revved up and craving more with a good possibility to never get what I want. Sheesh I am dumb, dumb, dumb - why or why did a cave and loose my will power after so many months and attempts ....

(I have to admit I am a sucker for punishment and will probably read her online draft many times - because yes it is that good).

I patiently await any future works of art done by this talented author. Stephenie Meyer you have me hooked ... I am a fan.

Enough is Enough - Don't You Think?

My mother seems to flock to family drama like a fat kid on a smarty . With the recent email's with the ex-in-law, she has called frequently to rant her anger from hurt feelings and also too see how I am coping and feeling with everything. Which is all good but, sometimes I find it difficult, that after six years, it seems she just can't let go fully.

Whenever she has the opportunity she calls to see if we have heard from my daughter's father or whether MEP has managed too track him down for the child support arrears. Too me, I am just .. whatever ... to the whole situation. After six years of this crap occurring regularly, I just don't care anymore.

If I see money, hey, it is a bonus. However, I haven't banked on receiving child support from day one and I don't plan to change now. He hasn't called or touched base (via texting or email) in over seven months - why ask? I highly doubt that he will start now; especially, since he is avoiding MEP and trying to hide from being found and force to be held accountable to his financial obligations.

My mom constantly asks me to take him to Court for soul guardianship - but that can be so costly and he would fight tooth and nails on principle alone (lets cost JnNBK as much money as possible and drag this Court battle out as much as he can).

My theory and view on the whole circumstances is this: I have all the evidence and proof to go for and have soul guardianship granted to me. Why should I fork out more money on this man then I have too? If he doesn't like his daughter's decision to have nothing to do with him, then he can take me to Court.

I wish - that would make my day! Take me to Court, he can pay for the costs for me to go after and get soul guardianship of his daughter. Right now, there is no real need for me to have soul guardianship (as it doesn't affect my parenting rights and choices) - it would be more of a vengful slap in his face (which to me is just spiteful and childish). Yes, the moment that not having soul guardianship does cause issues, then I will go to Court and get what I need to ensure that I can parent my daughter efficiently and effectively.

Now, the dilemma is this, how do I get it through to my mom that I don't like discussing this man any more. I have spent too much time on his wasted flesh already. Does he honestly need to be the center of attention in my mother's world too? There will be times in my life that, yes, I will have to give some of my time to this man (when my daughter asks questions or if/when he decides to pop up from the woodwork and reappear in our lives). But, I choose not to give him any more of my time then is required or necessary. My mother needs to do the same.

Tactful and Diplomatic Response

After venting/ranting out my anger and a nice long walk. I managed to calm down and think rationally to write a response to the email that would clearly state my daughters position and her reasoning behind her decision.

Here it is:

"I have already had many conversations with [my daughter] about this upcoming Christmas.

This point in time, [my daughter] does not want anything to do with [her father and yourselves]. She does not want to communicate in anyway. The decision is [my daughter’s] alone; as I am no longer forcing my daughter to do anything that she feels strongly against. I will no longer cause anymore unnecessary stress and emotional strain to her.

The lack of contact and interaction of [all of you] in [my daughter’s] life this past six years and especially, the past two years, have had a huge impact upon [my daughter]. As such, she has now formed a solid opinion and negative feelings towards you all.

[My daughter] is very intelligent and intuitive to her emotions which in turn makes her very stern and stubborn with regards to her insight and decisions.

She had wished to work her feelings out with the assistance of her Psychologist before attempting to build a relationship with any of you. Unfortunately, she has been unable to see her Psychologist as [her father] has continually failed to place a simple phone call to provide his consent (even after numerous requests by [my daughter] and myself in the past 11 months). Now, [my daughter] does not care to even try.

Sometimes things get broken and just can not be fixed; no matter how much you wish it to be."

***please note the items in square brackets were amended to ensure my anonymity***

I thought this was the most tactful and diplomatic way to get the message across. I wrote a few drafts to ensure that I was being the mature, responsible parent. It isn't easy having to be a spokes person for your child, especially when you are dealing with a matter as sensitive as this.

It is bound to send tempers off the roof; but nothing you can do to ease the hurt from the bare, naked truth of reality.

Aaaaaarg!! Seriously?!

I was expecting a call or text or email from the ex - with regards to Christmas visitation (god knows he has to play the loving doting father that he is not). Appearances are everything for this man.

What I was not expecting was an email from his mother. Which was in her typical style of nice, snotty, innocent victim that she loves to play. Why can't these individuals take a moment to read what they type before sending it to me? I am fully aware that my ex and his parents see me as the dumbest individual on the face of the earth but COME ON - I am not that gullible to their antics anymore.

She had the tenacity to state that she stayed away for six years for BOTH my daughter and my self's interests. Also, too top the cake, that now that my daughter is seven it is of importance to be involved in her life and develop a relationship and blah, blah, blah BLAH...

What? The first six years of my daughters life she wasn't interesting or good enough to know or have a relationship of any kind with them? Nah, it must be that those six years were not her most developmental years and, therefore, didn't require a relationship with her grandparents on her father's side? No, no, no; I got it ... now that she is seven she is more gullible to buy into the smoke and mirrors act - that they feel they can manipulate her with their lies - that has to be it!

What they don't comprehend is that they, in fact, do NOT know my daughter; and therefore, have the tenacity to honestly think she isn't intelligent enough to see t through their bull shit.

Am I mad? Hell yes! Why wouldn't I be? I have tried and tried over and over again to include my daughter in their lives and push for them all to have a relationship. But, time and time again we were rejected. I don't care what they have done or said to me, personally. What I do care about is what they have made my daughter feel over and over again.

Actions speak louder than words. Their lack of actions towards their supposedly "precious granddaughter" has only made my daughter form a negative opinion and feelings towards them. What do they honestly expect? A miracle....well, we all wish to experience a miracle in our own life time but the chances of that happening are slim, nil to none.

Breathe in ...... Breathe out .....

I will need to take some time too cool down and mellow before I tactfully respond to their demands. Like always I will be the better and more mature person.

Knitting Update

I have noticed in my stats that my blog entry about attempting knitting has received a lot of views. So, here is an update on my introduction into the world of knitting.

With the problems with my hands I find it very difficult - in the sense that I can not do it for too long of a period due to the pain. This frustrates me as I just want to knit and go, go, go and see huge progress but having to stop to do stretches, hand flexing exercises and rest just takes the thrill right out of the project/piece that I am working on.

I definitely find knitting to be very addictive and surprisingly very relaxing. I have to admit that I rely learning care of you tube videos and demonstrations (as I am a visual learner and once I see how it is done I can duplicate it) then out of a book about knitting.

Patterns? Well, I have yet to follow one. I need to learn the knitters abbreviations and lingo to be able to confidently follow a pattern. To date I have made 4 toques, 2 pairs of leg warmers (for my daughters dance lessons), a scarf and a diamond lacy shawl. I did start a blanket; but in turn got bored as it seems to be a never ending project. I am currently working on a pair of funky leg warmers for myself.

I am getting very comfortable working with circular needles and prefer them over straight needles. I like that fact that when knitting in the round you just go, go and go with no real thought to flipping and keeping track of the right side the project.

I am seriously considering taking the leap and trying a sweater; which in turn, means following a pattern. As I research easy, peasie, simple sweater patterns - I get apprehensive at some of the descriptions .... like having to use a stitch holder and then pick up those stitches at a later time or having to piece and sew to attach the parts in order make it into a sweater (my sewing skills lack quite a bit).

I know that with time I will become more confident and will become more courageous to attempt more. I know that it is the first leap into faith of my skills as a knitter that I will struggle to with the most.

Need to Stop and Smell the Roses!

I sometimes enjoy sitting out on my front step in the coolness of the night which is shrouded in a dark cloak and feel at ease. I like to take those moments and just ponder on my position in life and reflect on my decisions that have brought me to this particular stage. Majority of the time I am grateful for my decisions (good or poor) as they have brought me to this point and time. On the whole I am very satisfied where I am at today...

I have a beautiful daughter that is kind, polite, sweet, loving, smart and very talented. I have an amazing man that understands and accepts me for all that I am. He is patient, compassionate, loving and, most importantly, he is flexible to my moods and personality fluctuations as we stumble along in life as a family unit.

I have had my hardships and difficulties - but majority of these were out of my control and I just had to find ways to cope and manage to get through them. I am over-all generally healthy (besides being 55 lbs over weight and a smoker). I am in the process of getting my hormone replacement therapy under control which in turn should improve my poor sleeping habits, my weight and my moods.
I have to remind myself on a regular basis to be patient - - that all good things come with time.

It is hard to wait sometimes, as like many, I just want to get it done and over with! "Let’s move on already" is my mentality to many things. It is a challenge to stop, breathe and slow down. It seems at times that I am in a rush to get through life; when in reality, I need to take a moment to savor all my accomplishments but mainly I need to slow down to enjoy myself, family, friends and life.

Financial Struggles of a Single Parent

I can not fathom why a parent would not want to have anything to do with their child. How can they not want to know what they are up to or how things are going on in their lives? It is very hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that my daughter’s father has not seen her in over two years and has not called her in over seven months.

I would be going nuts! If I was in his position I would be calling daily to see how her day was at school; check to see if she is enjoying her dance classes and how she is in general. You could not pay me enough money to not see her/have a relationship with her. Also, I can not understand shrugging off all my parental responsibilities ... including any financial responsibilities. I would do everything in my power to ensure that child support was paid and offer any other assistance for my child by purchasing clothing, toys, books and anything she may need or require.

I do find it frustrating that I do not receive child support and now he is hiding from MEP to avoid getting his wages garnished (again). He has managed to find a new loop hole....he quit his previous employer and is avoiding MEP to confirm his new employer. Now he can hide from paying child support (well at least until he files taxes). Does he honestly think that he is just punishing me? I will go without before my daughter ever does - I will do whatever it takes to ensure that she has the necessities in life; even if that means I walk around with holey underwear and bras.

As a single parent I do struggle to make ends meet and run off of a very strict budget. I have never banked on receiving child support (which has turned out to be very wise of me). The rare times that I have received any payment from MEP it has been a bonus and that money is used to go have "fun" with my daughter while placing majority of it for her future education savings. My current budget is tight and doesn’t allow me the luxury of taking my daughter out to movies, dinner and going to new exciting places. I know that this is a fact of life, but at times I beat myself up for not being able to do these type of activities with my little one. What parent doesn’t want to do "fun" outings with their children.

I think that it is pretty sad that my daughter tells her friends that something is "just not in my mommy’s budget". Yes, this may be teaching my daughter the appreciation for money and makes her realize that there isn’t much free in life. But should a child need to learn this fact at such an young age?

There are times that I lay awake at night madder than snot that her father shrugs off all responsibilities and limits the type of lifestyle I could potentially offer our daughter while he goes gallivanting around the city with no real cares in the world to tie his conscience down. He wares expensive name brand clothing and accessories and goes out every weekend "living it up" while I have to sit and explain to my little girl that maybe in three to five paychecks I might be able to afford taking her to see a movie in the theaters.

Does this really sound fair?