Faith

I have been in a relationship with my man for over two and a half years now. I am still in awe and a bit dazed that I have managed to luck out and be in love -- real love. That I now have someone good, kind, patient and understanding that loves me and my daughter. I have managed to find someone who wants to be with me; flaws and all.

I still have fear . . . fear that this will end, that the bubble will burst one day. That nod day he might wake-up, look over at me and think: What the hell? What did I see in her?

I am damaged goods. I do come with a lot of baggage (emotional trauma) and my luck in life has not had a great track record. It seems that everything has been hard and that it usually comes at a huge price.

I tell myself that some of the past was given to me because I was strong enough to handle the difficult situations, to deal with them and mainly because I could survive them.  Honestly, there is only so much one can take. I like to think that because I had my fair share (if not more than some others) that life is saying:  Shit, we have crapped on Jnk a little too much over time, and maybe we should giver her a break. Let's allow her to have some happiness and ease of the drama . . . let's giver her some calmness.

I do not want to mess things up with my man. I love my position in life at this moment. I thoroughly enjoy being with my and sharing my life and family with him. I am truly blessed and extremely lucky to have him in my life and to have his love and respect.

Somewhere I once read something similar to:

"Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes destiny!"

In other words, I guess I need to have faith and think positively. If I apply this, then maybe this relationship will last until the end of time.