More Surgery: Oophorectomy

After my hysterectomy, back in the hospital room my folks came to check up on me. In my drugged haze I recall my father asking me how I felt. "Hollow" was my response. Hollow - what I was trying to express was that all the internal pain, swelling and discomfort was gone! It was an odd sensation for me after living with it for so long. My surgeon and my parents all laughter at my response. My dad told me that I looked amazing even after a six hour procedure because the pain was now gone from my face and eyes.


I wasn't out of the operating room very long when I had a phone call from my ex-husband. I thought it was my daughter (who was in his care for Christmas holidays) calling to say hello. Nope, it was my ex wanting to tell me "good luck finding a man now that you are half the women you used to be". Yes, this was the man I decided to have a child with and marry. I am grateful that I wasn't too incoherent enough from the medication to come up with a good come back for his statement. "I'd rather die an old hag than have to spend one more minute in a relationship with you again".


I recovered normally after the surgery and I was blessed with seven blissful months of no pain or discomfort. Then it cam back with the force of a speeding locomotive! Back to the specialist I went and began the whole process of being a lab rat for just under two years when it was finally concluded that I should have an oophorectomy.


November of 2009 I had my ovaries removed. It has been a blessing and a curse. I no longer have pain which is awesome but now I have to battle with frequent spouts of depression and severe weight gain due to the HRT (hormone replacement therapy). The weight gain isn't a major problem it is the depression; which the weight gain does contributes too. (Have to love the vicious circle in that -- ironic).


There are days that everything is dark; my mood and my world. I have no desire to wake up and get out of bed; but I find a way too. I find myself  loathing my body, my looks and myself in general. I have odd dark thoughts that frighten me. I went my family doctor and she switch the type of hormone I was place on after my hysterectomy and placed my on an antidepressant; which has helped a lot with the dark thoughts and most of my self loathing. Hopefully in time I can state that I have left the darkness behind me and that I have completely overcome both surgeries and am back to being me.


Some days it is a slow process but each day gets better and bearer. I am truly thankful that I have a wonderful, amazing man in my life that is understanding of the bad days and moments. He is patient and supportive in my battle against the darkness.


I know that I will overcome this and soon it will be a faint memory of my life.