Honestly?!

My ex-husband is a special breed all to himself (if you haven't picked that up yet from my other blog entries). He is a DBD (dead-beat-dad); he doesn't pay child support on a regular basis, he hardly calls to speak to his child and he has only seen his daughter a whopping six minutes in the past year and a bit. As as result I have a very hurt and ANGRY little girl.

I have ensured that when raising my daughter that she would speak her mind and not take any abuse from anyone. So, as a result of this, she has had some sharp blows that she has issued to her father on the phone. Of course, her father is not impressed or is not too thrilled with her attitude towards him. Honestly, what does he expect? After all he is a complete stranger to his own "birth child" (his words, not mine).

I find it a moment of great pride when she calls him on his lies and BS. Also, I find it very amusing that he is shocked by her anger. Does he honestly think that being an absentee father and not really caring, that this is going to make her want to kiss the ground that he walks on when he does decide to make an appearance and/or lame attempt? There will be a day, sooner then we all think, that she will tell him to "F-off". Man do I want to be a fly on the wall that day!

But at the same time, I have to wonder if my daughter is refusing to talk to him as a ploy for control over the relations and as a form of punishment -- to hurt her father as he has hurt her? I find myself at a cross-roads on whether I should continue to allow my daughter to set the boundaries of their relationship and do only what makes her feel safe and secure. Should I be trying to push her towards making the first steps of forgiveness and make her talk to him when he does decide to call her? 

It seems to be a constant balancing act on what is right and what is wrong. I have many people that are supportive of what I am currently doing and I have the same amount stating that it is wrong to let her go off on a power trip. Who is right? 

I thought that by allowing my daughter to have a choice and that I was not forcing her to do something she does not want to do; I was respecting her feelings and . . . well I don't know. I have to admit that things are always easier when her father drops off the face of the planet for long periods of time; but the havoc he creates when he decides to re-surface every once and a while just exhaust my daughter and I.