The Truth Can be Very Harsh

My daughter wrote this heart felt letter to her father (she sat at our kitchen table one Saturday for four hours as she wrote the following all on her own):

"To Dad my feelings.

I am mad at you because you never called me when
you said you would and because you don't be nice to my mom.
I am mad at you because you don't buy my special milk and I eat cereal with water at your house.
It made me sad at christmas when you opened my
presents and when you call me you always interrupt me when I am talking you say you have to go and that's why I want to text you now.

I am a little nervous to see you and your new girlfriend because I never seen your new girlfriend before and I haven't seen you since Christmas 2009.
I don't want to see you because I don't have anything to really say to you because I don't really know about you anymore and you don't know anything about me. I want to see my feelings doctor so that I can tell her my feelings about you and so that I can feel a little bit better about telling you all of my feelings. Can you call my feelings doctor so that I can see her and talk to her.

I am scared to see you because I don't know what
to say to you and it will be quiet and uncomfortable. When I am ready to see you can your new girlfriend not be there and I want my mom and Handsome to be there. I was kind of happy to hear that you were back in town but I am not that happy because when I see you it will be scary."

My daughter was so nervous and terrified when we delivered this letter in person to her father way back in Spring. She regurgitated twice on the drive to his work and was trembling as we walked inside to find him. She handed it over to him and told him he need to read it but once she was gone. As we left to head back to our car, I told her how proud I was of her for being extremely brave and following through on the delivery. She looked at me and said "Thank-you. I am glad that is over with so now I do not have to talk or see him ever again!" I did explain that it does not work that way; that one day when they are both ready they will need to have a heart-to-heart talk and figure out where they will be going from there.

I have my doubts that he actually read the letter - because if he did one would think he'd place a phone call. We haven't heard from him since that day. My daughter has resigned to the fact that he is just not going to be around and she actually prefers it. "He stresses me out mom and now I have 'Handsome'; I don't need him.... I never needed him because I have you and that is all that matters".

I struggle with many emotions when it comes to the lack of relationship that my daughter has with her father. I have concluded that you can lead a horse to water but you can not force it to drink. Unfortunately, this man has dug is own grave with his daughter and I doubt he even realizes it.