Self Image

I saw this image on the Internet and it reached out to me and spoke to me on many levels.

I know that I am not the only one that feels this way or experiences feelings of self loathing at their reflection in the mirror.

I fall victim to negative self-image thoughts all the time. For as long as I can remember I have not been able to fully look at myself in the mirror. I can focus on one particular item (i.e. my eyes when applying make-up or my mouth when I am brushing my teeth), the one thing I find very difficult to do is to look at my figure in the mirror.

When I do look at my reflection of my figure I am filled with critical negative comments that run through my mind. I don't like the size of my stomach or my hips. I don't like the look of my upper arms in that top or I just see myself of a fat blob of yuck.

Now, I don't always feel this way when I look at myself either. There are times that I look at the mirror and am very pleased at what I see. I see my reflection and feel beautiful, sexy and self assured. I believe what most of my negative thoughts I do experience is a direct result from my weight gain that I have had since my hysterectomy and oophorecotomy. Most of my anger and frustration stems from the fact that I have been diligent with watching my food, calories in and out and being actively exercising and not seeing or feeling any results. 50 pounds is a lot of weight to change your appearance and your reflection looks more like an 80 pound weight gain!

I have come to realize that it is extremely easy to remember, recall and to believe in all of the negative comments I have ever received; but it takes me a decent amount of time to recall a compliment. Why is that so? Is it because a negative comment has an immediate emotional response that embeds it into our minds? How is it that a positive compliment gets pushed to the recesses of my mind and is difficult to pull forward and recall?

It is very difficult when you are admits a depression to stay focused on positive things and especially positive thinking habits. I have my good days and I definitely have my bad: down low and bluer then hell days too.

Today I am in between and shift up and down. But I am using meditation to help elevate my moods. Most of all, I must remember that I love myself for my achievements, accomplishments and everything in my life. I am my own best friend and I must improve how I think, feel and see myself in order to be free of negativity.