Failure Can Lead to Motiviation

In early January 2011, I made a pact with a co-worker to get fit and set some goals to loose weight.; this way we can use each other as motivation to accomplish our goals. The first official weigh-in came up and I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to be good. I struggled for the strength to climb up on the scale. Looking down at the numbers my heart sank . . . I gained four pounds. I felt horrible and I had nothing and no one else to blame but myself.


Over the past month I have had no desire to work out. I started earring healthily and then I slipped back into my wold habits. Sure I can say I was very ill for over a week with a bacterial infection in my chest and then I had to have a chunk of my foot cut our which prevented me from working-out for a total of two weeks. But during that time did I make the effort to eat properly? Did I avoid junk food and fattening treats? No I did not.


Trying to be healthy and fit along with trying to loose weight is a challenge and a mental battle for me. I find it extremely hard with the dark cloud of depression looming over my head. I am unsatisfied with my physical appearance; I want to be thinner and ultimately be healthier -- to loose all the weight that I gained from my hysterectomy and oophorectomy.


I am a realist and I know that the only way I can do this is through proper diet and exercising; in other words with hard work and determination.  I find it extremely hard to workout when I feel mentally and physically exhausted when I get home from work. Most nights I just want to crawl into bed and sleep (but my insomnia prevents that).


My mood has been down most of the morning and I experienced a lot of self-loathing thoughts about my procrastination, lack of energy and determination to have accomplished any weight loss this past month.


I have to look towards the future and admit that this past month wasn't my best attempt; but that I can do better this month. I will have to force myself to get on the treadmill, due my hand weights and cut my sweet treats out of my diet. I know that I need to apply more of myself to these tasks.


March 10th is my next weigh-in, so when I get on that scale I want to feel good about myself even if I loose just one pound.  This month I will workout and I will eat healthy. I know that doing these two things will be an accomplishment which will make me feel a bit better about my self-image and will also help elevate that dark looming cloud of depression.


I will take it one day at a time and go from there. I am determined to do things differently this month and I will succeed. Slowly and surely I will accomplish any goal that I have set out for myself.


Positive thinking leads to positive results. I believe in myself which will allow me to accomplish anything!